Is today the day???

So, it seems like today could be baby day. She's been having more contractions and is definitely feeling more ready. Why I'm feeling nervous and excited, I don't know. Shouldn't I be upset and moody and not want this to be happening? I'm so confused right now about what I'm feeling and why that I don't know what to do. Steven called me earlier this morning and asked me to look up on the internet different ways to speed up labor. I came up with this herb called black cohosh. I've never heard of it before but she's going to ask her doctor and hopefully get some.

I'll keep you guys posted on what's going on but hopefully Steven will quit being a jerk because I'm getting tired of it! I spent most of the morning looking up stuff for him and he's an ass in return. I know he's under a lot of stress and he's really nervous but still... GEEZ! :-)

More games or the truth???

So, I'm sure that in not too long you guys will wonder how in the world I got myself into the middle of this soap opera and to tell you the truth I'm not sure myself...

Steven informed me earlier today that he told Jen he never wants to be with her again. He's said before that he doesn't want to be with her right now but he's never outright said never again. Steven was supposed to have guard duty this weekend somewhere 4 or 5 hours away. Well when he got to the armory tonight he discovered that his Kevlar was all messed up and he wasn't sure if he was going to be able to go. He called me not to long later and told me that he needed me to go pick him up because he didn't have to go with his unit this weekend. When I got there I found out that through a conversation with one of his superiors he got out of leaving with them because his son might be born this weekend. I guess whatever superior he talked to, his wife had just had a baby so was feeling a tad generous. So, I take Steven home and Bill (Steven's dad), me and Steven decide to go downtown. Well, Steven (of course) drinks a few Jack & Coke's and was a little tipsy and texts Jen from my phone. They get a massive fight over what I'm not quite sure but I do know that one of the texts in the end of the fight read, "yeah whatever you still are not here, I wish you were but I can't even get that. What is wrong with me?" I am so confused! He tells me all day long that he's glad that she knows how he feels and he happy because he doesn't have to put up with her shit anymore and then he tells her something like that??? Now maybe because my mind is sober (and his is not) I'm taking this out of context and reading into what's not there. So please, if you see another way this can be taken, LET ME KNOW!

I guess I will just ask him in the morning when I pick him up for drill what's going on. As far as I know he has never lied to me about anything. If I find out that he lied about all this shit, I don't know how I'll react...

Once again, I know probably no one's reading this but it feels much better than I thought to get my thoughts down like this. Peace out!

Here we go...

Well guys, I'm very new to this but I've discovered in the last few weeks and months I need someplace to get out my feelings whether they be good or bad! I've always loved writing but just don't seem to have the time for it. Hopefully this will work out for me!

I'm going through a really difficult time right now with Steven's baby coming and I don't know what to do anymore. I get so frustrated and upset that things have to be this way right now but I can't show that or he gets ticked at me. I don't want us to fight or turn into him and Jen so I keep my mouth shut and don't say anything. We are just friends though so I really should have nothing to complain about because as far as our friendship goes, things are great... amazing actually. I seriously doubt anybody will be reading this and if you do I doubt that you have any idea what I'm talking about so let me give you a little history.

Steven is my godchildren's uncle (their dad's brother). We met the week he moved home after he got out of the Marine's. Immediately I liked him and come to find out he liked me. We started dating a couple months later and we're only together for just over a month when he broke up with me for no reason. Come to find out he was told by someone that I was going to break up with him and with him being the cocky idiot that he is he believed them and didn't want to be the one dumped. After that we didn't talk for a couple years. Then his brother had an affair with some chick he met at a bar and the whole family got turned upside down. Steven and I started talking and hanging out again and before you know it, we were seeing each other without being official or anything. A year and a half, two ex-girlfriends and one baby (from the most recent ex) we find ourselves in the same spot. Not official, just friends, but more in love with each other than we've ever been. He says we can't be together or do anything about it until Hunter (his possible son) is born and he figures things out. I completely understand that because I agree but it's still frustrating when he has to "play nice" with Jen so that she doesn't flip out and change the baby's name or take him away from Steven. I'm sorry, but what kind of manipulating bitch tries to take away a baby from someone who's going to be an amazing daddy just because he's not doing what she wants???

Anyway, I've stood by him through this whole thing. Maybe I shouldn't have but I am. I love him and can't just walk away. I know that we can make it and we can do amazing things together (not like that, you sicko)! :-)

I think that's it for now... I'm gonna go back to work (shhh... don't tell my boss!!!)